tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63451912011-04-21T14:33:23.034-04:00nothing is what it seemsErinnoreply@blogger.comBlogger471100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1089197645128888932004-07-07T06:52:00.000-04:002004-07-07T06:54:39.753-04:00

nothing to see here... i have relocated my site. if you see fit, adjust your links accordingly.... Monkey Butt Musings catch yall on the flip side

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1088366772490075252004-06-27T16:00:00.000-04:002004-06-27T16:31:06.816-04:00

it sucks when you realize you never meant anything to anyone. i don't know what the fuck i am doing here, but i really don't want to be anymore.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1087599038908655392004-06-18T18:39:00.001-04:002004-06-18T18:55:17.926-04:00

New York State is worse than a festering nasty monkey toe covered in bird poop. It is so damn humid i cannot breathe. But enough about that. Can i just say that i simply cannot wait until this is on. I will be locking myself in the house for days with the margarita bucket and some sour patch kids. And in closing: You're John Bender! " the Criminal"You're rough around the edges and you're

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1087344204117126192004-06-15T20:02:00.000-04:002004-06-15T20:03:24.116-04:00

i think i took this quiz last year and it came out completely different. but that's me and my ever evolving mind i guess! ;) You are every secretary's nightmare Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1087002594517485352004-06-11T21:00:00.000-04:002004-06-11T21:09:54.516-04:00

Well kiddies, tis that time of year again, and unfortunately, i am back for it... That's right- Fuck ASS Strawberries. Drop in and say "high" if you are in town. Miserably yours, Miss Monkey Butt

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1086829456806089402004-06-09T20:52:00.000-04:002004-06-09T21:08:17.543-04:00

"You thought you were there to guide me You were only in my way" ~3 days grace~ He always complained and asked why i didn't write anything about him on my site. I tried to explain that i was way too public with my feelings before, and they were thrown into my face and made me look like a fool. but now he's done it- pissed me off. In a big way. i tried to salvage something- even a friendship.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1086735417404716152004-06-08T18:53:00.000-04:002004-06-08T18:56:57.403-04:00

What Classic Movie Are You?personality tests by similarminds.com stolen from Nee

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1086539794492975452004-06-06T12:18:00.000-04:002004-06-06T12:36:34.520-04:00

well, today is the day. I am now 27. it's funny how the older you get not only does it become more difficult to recover from the night before, but birthdays kind of lose their excitement. right now, it's just another day. I am still nursing a hangover from friday night, and since I have to start a new job tomorrow, any more partying is out of the question. Don't get me wrong, I had an awesome

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1086300503570949472004-06-03T17:58:00.000-04:002004-06-03T18:27:11.003-04:00

With the big day fast approaching, I figured I better compile a list of things I want for my birthday so when the time comes to blow out the candles, the wax dosn't melt all over the cake while I am trying to decide what to wish for. So here goes: 1. While at karoke on Friday, I get I get discovered by a talent agent and I am given a record deal, one billion dollars, and a house in Sausalito.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1086219141642097872004-06-02T19:02:00.000-04:002004-06-02T19:32:21.643-04:00

Wow- I thought Albany was a shit town. It's a damn metropolis compared to the crap-hole I encountered today. Needless to say, I am not planning on moving up there to go to school in the fall. Even though the 8 hour round trip journey turned out to be fruitless, I needed the road trip. It was an absolutely beautiful day, and since there is no direct way to get to Canton, my 4 hour trip took me

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-108612916349807162004-06-01T18:06:00.000-04:002004-06-01T18:32:43.496-04:00

I know that no one is probably still reading this, as I have been a whiny lil bitch lately, but what the hell. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest. I quit my job , so I have an entire week to chill before I start my new job. Today was a characteristically crappy day in upstate NY, so I decided to treat myself to a few guilty pre-birthday pleasures- shopping and bad movies.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1086011802243987302004-05-31T09:52:00.000-04:002004-05-31T09:56:42.243-04:00

"...Somewhere it all went went wrong and your plan just fell apart And you aint got the heart to finish what you started You walked out that door to find where you belong To fulfill your own selfish dreams, I think you might have forgotten The ones that you loved The ones that you left behind The ones you said you'd try to find Are they trying to find you" ~dropkick murphys hope you all are

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1085887038841043892004-05-29T22:58:00.000-04:002004-05-29T23:17:18.843-04:00

"Oh no here comes that sun again that means another day without you my friend"~ben harper I hope you know that it was never my intent to hurt you. I wanted to be with you so bad- even though I knew I wasn't healed. I thought that the fact I had strong feelings for you meant that I was ready to move on. That my heart wasn't dead and I could actually love again. In the end, I guess life had other

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1085617217454998102004-05-26T19:59:00.000-04:002004-05-26T20:20:17.453-04:00

"if i could chose to start it over i'd exercise more discretion"- midtown I don't know what my problem is. Once I think I have regained my strength, and have found closure and comfort in myself, something comes along to crush my heart again. I am having a hard time letting go of my past loves- comparing everything and everyone to them. Now I am at risk of losing someone very special to me as

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1084929183140956172004-05-18T20:51:00.000-04:002004-05-18T21:13:03.140-04:00

I am a walking contradiction... I know what I want, yet I know nothing at all. I am ecstatic, I am miserable. I have everything figured out, I have no idea why I am here. I want to hide. I want to run again. What's the next move? (Where)does my paradise exist? I don't want to be alone, but I want to be left alone. alone in the dark everything comes rushing back- the promises dangled in front

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1084232949243506972004-05-10T19:27:00.000-04:002004-05-10T19:49:09.243-04:00

Back in the summer of 2000, I loaded the Jettahhhh with some kick ass peeps and headed to Saratoga for the Warped Tour... it was a good year, none of this Good Charlotte shite- we're talkin NOFX, MXPX, Suicide Machines... good times. I wish I could tell you all about it, but the truth is most of the performances I saw were through the fence of the beer tent. And probably through the beer goggles.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1083621116459218642004-05-03T17:51:00.000-04:002004-05-03T17:56:04.826-04:00

i don't know if it is the chilly rainy weather we had today, or the fact that I watched that very bad, bad, bad made for tv movie 10.5 last night, but I miss California. I miss San Francisco. I miss being able to say that I live in the most fan-fucking-tastic place on earth. Sad But True - Transplants "when the fog comes through the golden gate and the moon shines on the bay and everything has

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1083199087387895242004-04-28T20:38:00.000-04:002004-04-28T20:43:25.513-04:00

there are days when i think i should have stayed in California. today is one of those days. days when I am reminded of why i left. days when my family almost negates all the progress I have made thus far. my family has their good and bad qualities, but when it all comes down to it my relationship with them is superficial. all the talk is "surface talk", I feel like I am walking around on

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1083106875367596312004-04-27T19:01:00.000-04:002004-04-27T19:05:30.356-04:00

i apologize if i have been neglecting the blog world lately. I have been busy living, and loving life. I've found my muse, and I have been doing a lot of "real" writing- i am discovering who i am again- the person who has been hidden deep inside for longer than i care to remember. i am happy, and i am finding that i know more about myself than I thought I did. I know what I want, I know what I

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1082501627752595262004-04-20T18:53:00.000-04:002004-04-20T18:58:51.903-04:00

some of my old blogger buddies have resurfaced- with a cause. Brian (formerly Out of School, Out of Work, and Out of Control) and Vanessa Jean the Duct Tape Queen, are organizing a cross country bike trip to register new voters and inspire people to get off their lazy booties and vote! vote! vote! I think it is a great idea, and a great cause. I only wish I was in good enough shape and had the

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1082415369272086872004-04-19T18:56:00.000-04:002004-04-19T19:00:13.326-04:00

... and eventually you'll finally get it right. what if your spirit was broken, and you met someone who helped you find your smile again? what if you swore to yourself that you would never let anyone into your heart again, but someone comes along in the most unlikely of places and sweeps you off your feet? you would believe again. you would remember that things have a way of working out, and

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1082168374229053492004-04-16T22:19:00.000-04:002004-04-19T18:39:07.750-04:00

i think one knows they are healing when they can look at pictures of the one who hurt them so badly and feel nothing but indifference. it would be easy to delete the images, but i want to remember. even though that part of my life is over, it has gotten me to this point, and that is ok. don't get me wrong- he is still a total shithead, but I am fucking FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::))))

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1082167603369229452004-04-16T22:06:00.000-04:002004-04-16T22:34:10.950-04:00

holy crap. monkeysocks is still alive.... check it can you imagine i've been doing this for over a year? happy birfday to monkeysocks/whatever this new creation is.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1081989260673411562004-04-14T20:34:00.000-04:002004-04-14T21:00:01.030-04:00

first of all, in an unrelated story- i must profess my love for quentin tarantino..... again. he is a hot hot hot mofo and john peter lewis- I'd do him too... what a cutie. anyway- i had an interview in downtown smaaaaaaalbany today. i haven't driven around there since I have been back. needless to say, i got a little nostalgic (not to mention a little lost... but I digress). I passed my old

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1081898696314472672004-04-13T19:24:00.000-04:002004-04-15T17:32:14.576-04:00

can i just say that my job sucks? i got yelled at twice for taking a piss today. Corporate nazi bastids. i guess my bladder was supposed to implode so I could learn about the shitty benefits package they offer. one of the girls in my training class was already fired, and no one knows why. they are trying to brainwash us and turn us into pod people. yesterday, i almost walked out, but being as i

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1081380395201351572004-04-07T19:26:00.000-04:002004-04-15T17:33:05.246-04:00

c a l i f o r n i a ( a l l t h e w a y ) - l u n a well, she followed him from phoenix out to california and then she passed out on the bed and all the little things he never even asked her for she simply smiled and shook her head why can't we smile just like we used to why don't you figure anymore why has my sympathy now turned to malice it doesn't matter any more and now i realize

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1081112659949955922004-04-04T17:04:00.000-04:002004-04-04T17:09:19.590-04:00

i miss innocence- i miss how the touch of one's hand would turn me on, and send sparks through my body. everything changed when i gave my heart away. I wanted to be a girl- i wanted to change the world I wanted to be all that they thought I could be and then i was beautiful and then i could change the world but it wasn't yours- so then you were gone. now everything's changed- i gave my

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1080865404710300992004-04-01T19:23:00.000-05:002004-04-01T19:33:55.966-05:00

barroom eyes--Which Bruce Springsteen Song Are You?--Lyrics

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1080692789160753052004-03-30T19:26:00.000-05:002004-03-30T19:53:11.200-05:00

"...and good times come and good times go. I only wish the good times would last a little longer." -social distortion My life has become a horrible Sandra Bullock movie. Scratch that. It is more like a crappy Danielle Steele novel without the happy ending, and none of the mind blowing sex. Anyway- you know the story. The girl gets her heart broken, is down on her luck, and has to return home to

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1080608532106507482004-03-29T20:02:00.000-05:002004-03-29T20:05:47.340-05:00

why am i such an asshole why do i go to his site the moment i get on the computer? because I KNOW it will make me feel like shit? is that why? just when i think things cant get any worse, i go an punish myself even more. I have never felt so much emptiness and hate in my entire life. if anyone knows how to block websites from my computer, please enlighten me. and Anti- an ass-kicking is too

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1080605602602497212004-03-29T19:13:00.000-05:002004-03-29T19:16:57.670-05:00

Well, I am back.. I feel like i have been connected to the real world again... I would like to thank all you kick ass people who have been wondering what has happened to me. I wish i could say that i am doing better, but in reality i am not. I need to get the hell out of here. I don't know what I was thinking coming back to this frigid wasteland. Someone really needs to invent that memory

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1078333823097888382004-03-03T12:10:00.000-05:002004-03-03T12:14:22.606-05:00

"The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can. Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way, Where many paths and errands meet, And whither then? I cannot say. The Road goes ever on and on Out from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, Let others follow it who can! Let them a journey

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1078332930192402902004-03-03T11:55:00.000-05:002004-03-03T11:58:28.593-05:00

I have nothing- never felt so alone anger, pain, nothingness driving me back home nothing left for me here but pain and frozen memories self inflicted wounds of frustration and the salt of each lonely tear.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1078281579413525832004-03-02T21:39:00.000-05:002004-03-02T21:53:00.983-05:00

T minus 48 hours or so.... I don't know how to feel right now. I feel like the past six months or so have been a horrible dream. A part of my life that I want to put behind me, but can't. I am scared to go back. Scared that I won't find a job, scared that I will be sentenced to live with my mother for the rest of my life. I am scared that I will become a townie, and will be stuck in cold, ugly,

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1077749685152061712004-02-25T17:54:00.000-05:002004-02-25T17:57:35.043-05:00

Well, I am pretty much done feeling sorry for myself over this asshole. Now I am just angry. Angry with myself for trying to talk to him. Angry at myself for beleving he loved me, and for believing that I could be loved. I am to the point where i hope that he dies the most painful, excruciating death, and I hope that it happens soon. If it dosn't happen soon, I hope someone shits all over him as

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1077730440844112352004-02-25T12:34:00.000-05:002004-02-25T12:42:54.780-05:00

when i decided to follow my misguided heart by rooting up my live and moving across the country, one of my reasons was regret. i did not want to live my life wondering "what if". i didn't want to be 40 freezing my ass of in New York, and wondering, "what if i moved to california when I was 26?" I look back now and think that i would rather wake up wondering for the rest of my days, than to feel

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1077591873382198682004-02-23T22:04:00.000-05:002004-02-23T22:07:20.670-05:00

"I waited for the phone to ring, and when at last it didn't, I knew it was you." Well, I found all of my answers in the silence. I know what I need to do. I'm outta here in a week. I learned quite a bit in my time out here. Most importantly- don't believe in love. You will only get it shoved up your ass.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074995631450751662004-01-24T20:53:00.000-05:002004-01-24T21:18:07.826-05:00

I would give my right tit to go home right now. scratch that- i would give both of my tits to be able to go home. Who needs tits now anyway. My NY friends are going out dancing and karaoke-ing tonight. I would give anything to be twirled around in the arms of my darling Quentin, or stand in front of a crowd of drunks belting out my smashing rendition of Fiona Apple's Criminal.I would love to

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074917805207418782004-01-23T23:16:00.000-05:002004-01-24T00:22:49.996-05:00

Before I knew you, I dreamed of you. the first time we talked, i didn't want to stop. I could have talked to you all night, and well into the next day, and even for the rest of my life. I knew there was something about you- something fresh, honest, and new. your words were poetry to me, and your voice was smooth, sexy, and sweet. It wove a melody into my heart that I could never forget. I would

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074916953486123902004-01-23T23:02:00.000-05:002004-01-23T23:06:41.000-05:00

I am trying to smile. I don't think it is working very well. Blah.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074744519475532962004-01-21T23:08:00.000-05:002004-01-21T23:17:21.123-05:00

I can't but help thinking that the recent sentinel event I experienced could be the fault of that old bitch, karma. What is that saying- "Payback's a bitch"? Yeah, and she brought along her sisters, whore and cunt. Anyway, I hurt someone pretty badly in the months preceding my journey out here. Someone that I cared for, and will always care for very deeply. At the time, I was blind to it.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074655965497702272004-01-20T22:32:00.000-05:002004-01-20T22:48:08.060-05:00

Well, in other news, I am moving again. (No, not back to NY- not yet anyway.) I had plans to move to a new place closer to work and far from the mulva of a roommate I have. Conveniently, someone decided they wanted to break up with me a week before the move. Coincidence? I think not. Anyway, who knows if this situation will be any better, but it will be a fresh start, and a shorter commute.

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074564358823112892004-01-19T21:05:00.000-05:002004-01-19T21:07:57.873-05:00

I feel like someone has died. I have never been hurt this badly before. Sure, I have had bad breakups, but I saw them coming. This was like a punch in the face. One day we were together, the next, we were not. I don't mean to dwell on this, but I have nothing to do but sit and think. Think about things we talked about, our future. The way he would touch my face, brush the hair out of my eyes. The

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074545796665167402004-01-19T15:56:00.000-05:002004-01-19T15:58:34.750-05:00

Well, not all people suck. I somehow made it through this weekend, but not without a little help from my friends and family. First of all, I want to thank Brian of Emodudes for designing my new site. I dig it, and I guess it dosn't look "jacked" anymore. Best to leave things like these to the professionals. :) James, thank you for being a sympathetic ear when i needed it. It means alot- I am

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074478899419972602004-01-18T21:21:00.000-05:002004-01-19T00:42:04.543-05:00

" ...if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?" Is that right? I have traveled so far from home, and now it seems like I have lost everything that was important to me. I am more than heartbroken, and my spirit is crushed. Part of me wants to run back home, to

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074474504365855692004-01-18T20:08:00.000-05:002004-01-18T23:39:56.233-05:00

You told me you'd love me forever- you fucking lied. You told me you'd do anything for me- you fucking lied. You promised me we would be together forever you lying son of a bitch. I thought we could make it through anything but you ran- like a scared little boy. at the first sign of trouble- fucking coward. My heart is empty- if it even exists at all. I have nothing left to give Nothing

Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6345191.post-1074375737189407752004-01-17T16:42:00.000-05:002004-01-18T23:40:28.543-05:00

What do you do when everything you believed in and thought was so true and beautiful is taken away? What do you do when the person you loved the most in this world turns their back on you, at a very critical time? What do you do when you gave up everything for this person, and now, you have nothing. I don't understand anything anymore. I am filled with anger, sadness, and hate. I don't think I

Erinnoreply@blogger.com